Let's name what's actually happening
When you and your partner have fundamentally different visions for your future, your body knows it before your brain does. The desire drops. Not because anything is wrong with you, but because desire requires a baseline of alignment. Your nervous system can't fully relax into pleasure when part of you is bracing for a conversation that feels too big to have.
I see this constantly in my practice. One partner wants children. The other is genuinely unsure. And suddenly sex becomes fraught with subtext. Am I saying yes to him or yes to motherhood? Am I saying no to him or no to kids? The mental load alone kills arousal.
Here's what matters: you can work on this conversation and your pleasure at the same time. In fact, I'd argue you have to. Disconnecting from your body won't help you figure out what you want. It just makes the decision harder and the relationship more distant.
Why uncertainty kills arousal
This isn't about low libido or relationship problems, though both can feel like that on the surface. What's actually happening is neurological. When your brain perceives a threat (and